Where Am I Now?

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Personal

It’s been 42 days since I wrote the sentence “Or maybe I need to take a few more steps back and think ‘Should I do something else?’” on a blog post explaining my situation at the time. If you haven’t read it, a brief summary is I lost all motivation for architecture, and not just studying but the whole idea with architecture. I wanted to take some time to write a post explaining where I’m up to with everything, because surely I’m not the first architecture student to have an existential crisis?

I’ve taken a big break from architecture over the last month, so much so that I barely logged into my That Architecture Student and ArchitectureVictoria Instagram accounts. I had zero idea of any events that was happening, wasn’t up to date with any international architecture news nor did I even visit ArchDaily once. In that time I’ve been working on the new blog and going on little adventures, but at the same time I’ve remained unemployed.

I’ve also been thinking, a lot, about what I want to do. One thing I said in my last blog post was that “I felt suffocated by architecture” and I wanted to explain this after taking a couple steps away from it all. I’ve said in the past that architecture isn’t a career or job but rather a lifestyle. It’s something that you need to commit your life to, not something you turn up at 9am and leave it in the office at 5pm. This seems to be a generally consensus in the industry, worldwide. This was a motivating idea but soon became an idea that made me feel trapped. I’ve never been someone that saw themselves doing the same thing each day, everyday, for the remainder of his life. With so much to offer in life, why do you want to do the same thing? This idea that I have to not only commit my whole life to this one profession, but also 24 hours each day, the thoughts became overwhelming.

I currently find myself being drawn back to architecture, however in a different capacity. I no longer see it as a lifestyle that is all consuming, where my only friends will be other architects and the only books I read are in fact architecture magazines. I use to find this letter, Dear Architects, I am sick of your shit, insulting and would get quite defensive. Then there is the movie, The Architect, where before I would get defensive. I think I now want to challenge the idea, the lifestyle, the position of architects and also explore other possibilities in the industry. Maybe I won’t end up being an “architect” but maybe I’ll find something different in the industry, who knows what that looks like but the industry is constantly evolving.

Where does all this leave me right now? There are 8 days until we ballot for our preferred studios and I’m intrigued to see what’s available. In terms of motivation levels, it’s not quite at the levels from the beginning of masters but they have risen noticeably since 42 days ago. I believe I can approach the semester with a level of enthusiasm that will see a decent result, academically or otherwise. The idea of a new lifestyle involving architecture, and not revolving around it, and the possibilities that creates excites me.

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